following the path of least resistance

I can’t believe I spelled that right on the first try. I bet you didn’t know it, but I am a wretched speller. The reason you didn’t know that about me is because I’m, like, Queen of Spell Check Using. Only don’t call me that because it makes me sound less serious than I really am, and I am pretty fucking serious most of the time.

Seriously.

So today I was thinking that I should get dressed and act like a productive member of society only here’s the thing; I don’t wanna. And then I was all “oh my gods, Jenna, you’re such a looooser, what do you do all day?” to which I replied “I am NOT a loser! And I do stuff all day, just… you don’t know everything I do!” and then I realized that once again I am having an argument with myself and… losing.

Here’s the thing; I am lazy. Like, extremely. I don’t live in a mess of a wreck or anything- stuff gets cleaned and picked up. But it’s more of a haphazardly type thing, like I see it and clean it up. And if it takes me a few days to picking up that rolled up sock on the floor that missed the hamper, or the pieces of paper that didn’t quite make the trash can, or whatever thing it is, then it takes me a few days. And then sometimes I’m on it like white on rice, and I go all insane and clean like a maniac and life and my house smells like Lemon Mr. Clean.

The problem with going all insane and cleaning is that invariably it gets dirty again. And I seriously hate that. I have it in my head that once I expend all this energy in cleaning something, it should fucking STAY clean! Like, forever! But it only works like that in soap operas. Have you ever noticed that in soaps, the houses are ALWAYS clean, and no one is ever actually cleaning? No? Just me…? huh…

Anyway.

Where was I? Oh yeah… cleaning…

Um.

I think I’ll go do something else.

wide open spaces

I’m totally a stay at home mom. Now complete with little purse sized dog and a mini-van. Kids go to school, Man goes to work and I hang out here and think of new and exciting things to do. Sometimes I even bake cookies and homemade bread. Right now I’m sipping a cup of java in my favorite elephant mug.

A complete and total stereotype, I am.

I’m not complaining! I’m not, like, bored or unhappy or anything (that’s what the anti-depressants are for!); I dig my life and all that. How could I not? It’s just that sometimes I look at myself and I feel like… what should I do NOW?

Here’s the truth; I procrastinate. I look at things and think, could I do that tomorrow? Next week? And if the answer is yes, then that is when I do it. The only things I don’t procrastinate on are things that I can’t; take, for example, appointments. I am ever prompt. If I say I’m going to be somewhere, then that’s where I am. I get the kidlets to school on time and I make sure dinner is ready at roughly the same time every evening. So I can DO it… whatever IT is, but I choose NOT to. Make sense?

A couple of months ago I decided to rearrange the furniture in my living room. This was prompted because I had a few boxful of books that were languishing in my closet because I didn’t have anyplace to put them; my bookcases were too full. So I bought a new bookcase. Instead of tearing it out of its box and assembling it right then and there, I let it sit. Because I didn’t like where I had planned to place it once assembled; I wanted to rearrange the furniture.

Instead of getting right on that, like normal people, I let it sit. I waited until the time felt “right”. I had never been that thrilled with the placement of my living room furniture in the first place, so me getting the motivation to move it all around in a more pleasing manner was not really that difficult to want to do. Making myself do it…? Took a little longer.

Eventually I got around to it. And like everything in my life, it was a case of one morning, I woke up, and just… got busy. The easiest part was moving the TV and the computer around. The hardest and most demanding part was pulling off all of my books from the shelves and moving the bookcases around. I have. A lot. Of. Fucking. BOOKS.

The whole process was totally slowed down because I kept stopping to leaf through this book and that book, reading favorite passages, looking for little factoids that had eluded my memory about specific plot points, making mental notes that I want to read this one and that one and this one over here again… yeah. Thank the gods for my youngest daughter, who loves a project and really through herself into this one; she really helped me get them all organized and back on the shelves. And once we did that, we were able to put together the new bookcase and YAY! Now all of my books are up off the floor and my living room is rearranged more to my liking. Now it’s a wide open space and that is what I always wanted.

So…

Yeah.

What do I do NOW?

i applied for a j-o-b

Tired of living paycheck to paycheck, we are. My husband makes a good living but there are a lot of us, and we live in So Cal, which isn’t cheap. We’re a one income family. We do alright, but at the same time, it feels like there’s never enough to cover everything. I’m not complaining; I know that there are a lot of people who are in way worse a position than we are. I’m extremely grateful that The Man has a good job, and that we can cover our bills. I’ve lived on the other side of that, and I’m no stranger to hardship or wanting. This is way better than that.

That being said, I AM tired of living paycheck to paycheck. There’s no such thing as “savings”. If something goes wrong? we’re swinging in the breeze. While we can afford what we have, there isn’t a lot beyond that. So I’ve been thinking about ditching the stay-at-home-mom thing and becoming a working mom. My children are older now, and I don’t feel as bad about leaving them.

The issues of me working are thus; I’m not overly qualified to DO anything. I can work a register, and I’m great with people, but jobs like that mean working less than desirable hours and if I’m going to be doing that? I want to get paid.  Does that make me sound selfish? Do I care? I wanted to go to school and get a degree and do something with it, but that didn’t work out. Ironically I can’t afford school because that guy I married makes too much money. If I were single, I could get all the grant money I needed. However, that isn’t exactly a viable option. Don’t think I don’t see the irony in that.

So what does that leave me? 

The county we live in is accepting applications for 911 radio dispatchers for the Sheriff’s Department. No experience required. The hours are going to be long, I’ll have to do shift work, but instead of just having a job, I’ll have a career. That’s IF they hire me. I just put in the application last week, and the process could take months… if they’re even interested. I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

see, there was this thing… and then this other thing….

Which is why I haven’t been writing. I mean, you know, I’ve had… stuff!

And that? is really just a a big fat excuse. I’ve been busy, yeah, but I could’ve taken a time out of BUSY and done some writing.

First things first… I can’t believe it’s been about two weeks since I last blogged… seems like it was just a week… anyway, the thing is, my youngest daughter fainted on the 30th. We were in the bathroom, and I was fixing her hair, and she started complaining that her stomach hurt and that she needed to sit down. Then she went all pale, said the everything was dark, and that was that- lights out. Luckily I was behind her and was able to get under her and keep her from going down. She was all stiff and her eyes were wide open but she wasn’t SEEING anything. Fixed stare thing happening, and I was feeling something like terror, but it was far removed, like it had nothing to do with me. I had to take care of HER. My fear had to take a back seat to what was happening, so it did.

Like I said, I got under her and carried her across the room (we were in my bathroom) to my bed. A few steps from the bed, she came to; her eyes focused, and she looked around in panic, asking me what happened. I felt relief, but again, it was far removed, like it didn’t have anything to do with me. I wanted her to be okay; she was okay. She was scared and confused, but she was okay.

Fast forward; we went to the doctor (duh) and there she received a clean bill of health. Relief much? After a little delayed freaking out (where no one could see), relieved I was indeed.

Fast forward six days, and it happens again, only this time she’s at school. On the swings, and of course she fell off. It was only after I questioned her that I found out that she couldn’t remember falling, couldn’t remember why she fell, couldn’t remember what she was doing to cause her to fall; everything went black, and the next thing she’s aware of, she’s on the ground, her face is cut, and she’s covered in sand.

This is me, being calm. I have to admit, I was pretty calm. I made her an appointment, got her back into the doctor (her regular pediatrician this time), and now? she’s getting herself a full work up. They’re leaning more towards something neurological, like seizures, rather than something to do with her heart. Both are equally scary to me, but really, I’m pretty calm. I’ll panic if and when I have something to panic about. Until then, there’s no point.

So next week she’s going to go in and get her head checked, and we’ll go from there.

And that is what’s going on with that.

3d times the charm…?

I was doing so well, and then… I wasn’t. WHAT HAPPENED? It seems that I lost steam. Can’t explain it any other way…

I want to do this whole blogging thing… maybe the 100 days is a bit much. Maybe start smaller? Like, an entire month, taking Saturdays off. I could probably do that… yeah?

I think I need to think about this more.

So anyway, life has been good. Today especially (according to my clock, I still have 23 minutes of today left). The Man and I went to the Toyota dealership and we bought a new car. A Sienna. A very pretty one. And the best part? We all fit in it! See, this is the first time since the last of my spawn were born that I’ve had a car that my entire family can fit in. As you can surmise, this is a big deal. Until now, we didn’t go too many places together, and when we did, it was always a giant pain in the ass to manage it. Now, though, it’s going to only be a matter of ALL of us getting in the car and ALL of us arriving at the same time! Imagine that!

This past week has been rather eventful. Took the younger two kidlets to the dentist- no cavities! But the boy child has to go to an orthodontist; the kid needs braces. Joy. The youngest girl child also had no cavities, and we like it when that happens. She’s taking her oral health very seriously since her visit, brushing and flossing more effectively. But that’s typical of her; when she finally sets her mind to something, she goes and does it.

The next day, I had a doctor appointment for a previously unmentioned incident, and I’m happy to report a clean bill of health! So say YAY! and we can all get back to the business of whatever our business might be.

Oh, and I turned 34, too. Which was both slightly surreal and anti-climatic. Birthdays just aren’t as exciting as they used to be. I wonder what that’s all about, anyway…

I DID get some very lovely gifts, though. I have very thoughtful friends and family.

I bought some Halloween decorations this past week, too. VERY exciting stuff, that is. I love it. I’ve never really decorated seasonally before, although I’ve kinda always wanted to. I see other people’s houses and think, hm, that’s neat, I should do something like that… and then… I don’t. THIS year I decided that at least for Halloween, I would decorate. However, the places I’ve been buying my decor from have some very neat trinkets for fall in general, and I’m thinking that after Halloween has passed, it would be neat to get some Thanksgiving type stuff up, too. And of course Xmas…

I’m beginning to see that it’s a cycle, possibly a vicious one, meant to depart me from my money. However, this is a cycle that I think I don’t think I’ll mind at all!

Alright, kids. I just heard what I think was gunshot from outside my window. No, I’m not kidding. I don’t think it was super close, but neither was it that far away, so I’m going to take that as my cue and go away to bed now.

I could totally be wrong, because although it sounded like there was some yelling and other excitement happening immediately after the maybe gunshot, I don’t hear anything else, and I think that I would hear sirens by now, because someone would have called the cops.

(hello, run-on sentence)

Alright. This is me, signing off. Later, doods.

life happens

100 days of blogging is a great idea… in theory. I’m pretty disappointed that I missed a few days, although it was somewhat inevitable given certain circumstances. No, I don’t really want to share those circumstances. I’ve come to the realization that I’m a fairly private person, and while I don’t mind, even enjoy writing about day to day stuff, with some silly and some serious thrown in there, I have to draw a line somewhere and this is one of those times.

Part of it is that I’m not entirely sure just what happened… only that it wasn’t fun, and I have a doctor’s appointment next week. Suffice to say that for one whole day I was more or less out of commission, and the next day (yesterday) I was feeling tired and overwhelmed and didn’t seem to have the wherewithal to sit in front of my computer and write about random stuff.

That being said, drawing a line and being all cryptic doesn’t really make good blogger fodder, I know. But for now, at least, this is where I’m at. I hope that’s alright with you.

I’ve decided that I’m going to push on with this 100 days of blogging, life notwithstanding. Sometimes, things are going to just happen. I might not be able to get to the computer to blog my little heart out. Like this upcoming weekend, for example; I’ve going to be soooooper busy come Friday and Saturday. Saturday is the Virgo Bash where my friend Neya and I are throwing a duo birthday party. Friday I have to bake a ton of stuff for said party, as well as do all of the regular errands and what-not, plus ferry the kidlets from place to place. And then head up to Neya’s for a sleepover because the next day is the party, and we can’t fit all of US plus everything else we need to bring in our one teeny car. I don’t think that on Saturday I’ll be able to get to a computer to blog. I think I’ll be pretty busy.

At least on Sunday I’ll have some good pictures and a good story to tell, right?

So that’s pretty much it, for now. Later, gators.

12 down, 88 to go!

URG.

Thought I had it this time, but nope! I checked the cheesecake and it has these deeeep cracks running through it. It doesn’t do anything negatively to the flavor, these cracks, but it doesn’t look like I want it to and I WANT TO THROW IT AWAY.

My kids think it looks cool. My husband says “it’s fine”. Cool? Fine? NO! It’s not cool and it’s not fine, it’s a wretched testament to my cheesecake making skills, is what it is! People are going to SEE it, and know that I am lacking in the cheesecake making skill! Lacking!

le sigh….

I want a do-over. However, it doesn’t quite work that way. I don’t have TIME for a do-over. Unless I stay up all nite… hmmm….

11 down, 89 to go!