i applied for a j-o-b

Tired of living paycheck to paycheck, we are. My husband makes a good living but there are a lot of us, and we live in So Cal, which isn’t cheap. We’re a one income family. We do alright, but at the same time, it feels like there’s never enough to cover everything. I’m not complaining; I know that there are a lot of people who are in way worse a position than we are. I’m extremely grateful that The Man has a good job, and that we can cover our bills. I’ve lived on the other side of that, and I’m no stranger to hardship or wanting. This is way better than that.

That being said, I AM tired of living paycheck to paycheck. There’s no such thing as “savings”. If something goes wrong? we’re swinging in the breeze. While we can afford what we have, there isn’t a lot beyond that. So I’ve been thinking about ditching the stay-at-home-mom thing and becoming a working mom. My children are older now, and I don’t feel as bad about leaving them.

The issues of me working are thus; I’m not overly qualified to DO anything. I can work a register, and I’m great with people, but jobs like that mean working less than desirable hours and if I’m going to be doing that? I want to get paid.  Does that make me sound selfish? Do I care? I wanted to go to school and get a degree and do something with it, but that didn’t work out. Ironically I can’t afford school because that guy I married makes too much money. If I were single, I could get all the grant money I needed. However, that isn’t exactly a viable option. Don’t think I don’t see the irony in that.

So what does that leave me? 

The county we live in is accepting applications for 911 radio dispatchers for the Sheriff’s Department. No experience required. The hours are going to be long, I’ll have to do shift work, but instead of just having a job, I’ll have a career. That’s IF they hire me. I just put in the application last week, and the process could take months… if they’re even interested. I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

see, there was this thing… and then this other thing….

Which is why I haven’t been writing. I mean, you know, I’ve had… stuff!

And that? is really just a a big fat excuse. I’ve been busy, yeah, but I could’ve taken a time out of BUSY and done some writing.

First things first… I can’t believe it’s been about two weeks since I last blogged… seems like it was just a week… anyway, the thing is, my youngest daughter fainted on the 30th. We were in the bathroom, and I was fixing her hair, and she started complaining that her stomach hurt and that she needed to sit down. Then she went all pale, said the everything was dark, and that was that- lights out. Luckily I was behind her and was able to get under her and keep her from going down. She was all stiff and her eyes were wide open but she wasn’t SEEING anything. Fixed stare thing happening, and I was feeling something like terror, but it was far removed, like it had nothing to do with me. I had to take care of HER. My fear had to take a back seat to what was happening, so it did.

Like I said, I got under her and carried her across the room (we were in my bathroom) to my bed. A few steps from the bed, she came to; her eyes focused, and she looked around in panic, asking me what happened. I felt relief, but again, it was far removed, like it didn’t have anything to do with me. I wanted her to be okay; she was okay. She was scared and confused, but she was okay.

Fast forward; we went to the doctor (duh) and there she received a clean bill of health. Relief much? After a little delayed freaking out (where no one could see), relieved I was indeed.

Fast forward six days, and it happens again, only this time she’s at school. On the swings, and of course she fell off. It was only after I questioned her that I found out that she couldn’t remember falling, couldn’t remember why she fell, couldn’t remember what she was doing to cause her to fall; everything went black, and the next thing she’s aware of, she’s on the ground, her face is cut, and she’s covered in sand.

This is me, being calm. I have to admit, I was pretty calm. I made her an appointment, got her back into the doctor (her regular pediatrician this time), and now? she’s getting herself a full work up. They’re leaning more towards something neurological, like seizures, rather than something to do with her heart. Both are equally scary to me, but really, I’m pretty calm. I’ll panic if and when I have something to panic about. Until then, there’s no point.

So next week she’s going to go in and get her head checked, and we’ll go from there.

And that is what’s going on with that.