a narrow escape

The other nite, my husband was having a fairly bad allergy attack. It was late, around 11:30. I woke up because I could hear him coughing and wheezing, and I asked him if he was alright. He said yes, he was. Twenty minutes later, it got worse. I asked if he wanted to go outside. At first he said no, but after a few more minutes of obvious discomfort and misery, he said that yeah, probably he should go outside for awhile. The fresh air would do his allergies good.

I grabbed my robe and threw it over my pj’s and shoved my feet into flip-flops. The Man actually got dressed. He told me to stay inside, but I informed him that I would be joining him. No way he was going to have to sit outside by himself; it’s kinda my fault that his allergies are acting up. He’s allergic to my little poochy love Chiquita, and the only reason he tolerates her is because I love her so much.

So we head outside, and it was a beautiful, clear nite. Stars were out, it was truly lovely. We sat on the porch and talked for awhile. Talked about things many and varied. It was soothing and quiet, and his allergies slowly got better. His breathing eased, he quit coughing, and he seemed a lot more comfortable.

While we don’t exactly live in the wilds, there are animals that go roaming around our ‘hood in the nite. Mostly, cats and dogs, but we get the occasional wild beastie. Mice, raccoons, even coyotes. Anyway, there was a cat that kept wandering around, unafraid of us as it kept coming into our driveway. I heard it moving around behind us, over by the shed. I asked The Man if he wanted to go inside, and he said in a few minutes he would be ready. A few seconds later, I heard the cat come up the stairs behind me. Our back porch has two sets of stairs on opposite ends, with a landing about four feet across, separating them. I mentioned to The Man that the cat was behind me, and turned to look at it.

A few seconds of squinting in the dark, I said in a low, low voice, “Um. I don’t think that’s a cat.”

He says, “What is it?”

I reply, “I really don’t know, but I don’t think it’s a cat…”

He asks, “Is it a skunk?”

I ask, “Do skunks have white butts?”

He says, “….. I think we should very slowly go inside the house….”

I reply with, “I totally, totally agree….”

People, that was a close one!

4 down, 96 to go!

recharge my batteries

I would really love a vacation. The kind where you go someplace NOT here, where there’s not pressing matters to attend, no homework, no phones, no computer (wait, now I’m just talkin’ the crazy, scratch that no computer part)… where I can sleep as late as I want, stay up all nite if I want, eat whatever I want, read for hours if I want. Someplace quiet and beautiful where there isn’t any traffic, no one is late because there isn’t a schedule, I don’t have to mediate between offspring or make dinner or do dishes; where I can walk from my front door to the water, I can wear a bathing suit and cut-offs at a restaurant, it’s balmy and warm but not hot, it smells good, it sounds nice… and I can recharge.

Oh, and it’s cheap, too, since we’re fantasizing. And there’s a very large Barne & Noble within walking distance, too.

Yup, sounds about right.

Not like I have this overly stressful life or anything; more or less, just the typical day to day stuff. Once I get the kidlets off to school and The Man off to work, my days are mostly my own. In truth, I feel like I’m rather wasteful of them. I feel like I’m not living them to their potential. I could be doing so many things to improve my environment, my talents, my mind. I could be baking bread, crocheting afghans, writing my book, reading that stack of books sitting next to my bed both on my nitestand and in a basket, going through the mounds of stuff in my children’s closets… and yet, here I sit, happily typing away, whiling away, wasting (?) away…

Why is it that I have to constantly be doing something in order to feel productive? What is it about me as a person that feels like unless my house is completely clean, my books are all read, my closets all organized, I’m somehow an epic failure? Because the truth is, none of those things are happening. My house is in a constant state of clutter/mess. My closets are scary. My books are mostly unread. Things are not getting baked, afghans are not getting crocheted, my book is not getting written. If I really feel that unless I’m doing things like I mentioned above, then I’m failing at life in general? And if I really feel that way, why am I not doing these things?

That has ever been the big question of my life. I am constantly waiting to feel like doing something besides doing nothing. I am constantly waiting to find the motivation to move.

Wait, wait… what did I just say???? I’m waiting to get the motivation to MOVE? Really? REALLY? I really just said that.

Holy crap. What is WRONG with me?

3 down 97 to go!

i’d be a stalker, but it takes too much energy

I blame the shoes.

There was this lady walking down the street in these absolutely KILLER shoes (for those of you not in the know, I loooove me some shoes). Anyway, I watched her make her way across the street, admiring her shoes, and I had to wonder where she got them, if she had more like them, and what she was like. Would we be friends, in another time and place, bonding over a mutual love of shoes? Or was she one of those that wore them because she had to, for work, not because she wanted to? Did she like coffee? Books? Going out? Was she married? Kids? What kind of shows did she like? Did she even like TV? How about movies? Music? Did she own a car, and hate to drive, like me? Or was she a driver who hated her car?

Yeah, all these thoughts whirled through my head as she crossed the cross walk right in front of my car. I felt like parking and getting out and following her, but that clearly wasn’t a very feasible thing, not to mention… crazy. And I was kinda tired from the past few nites of not sleeping very well. Not that I’d have done it even if I’d been bright eyed and bushy-tailed; do you know how much it costs to park in downtown San Diego?? And then there’s all the walking… and making sure she doesn’t see me because then it would totally freak her out, thus negating the entire “let’s get to know each other” thing.

Entirely too much work. I don’t even like to sweep and mop my house, and that requires a lot less energy than stalking some random person who I don’t even know, probably never will, and might not even like even if I did know her. Much easier to stalk your friends. At least then you can pretend you thought you were supposed to hang out if they catch you, and you already know a lot about them so you know going in if they’re stalk-worthy or not from the get-go. Plus, they would have a lot more tolerance for your kooky ways than some random lady on the street would, and you can play the “quirky friend” card for a long, long time. As long as you don’t get too flaky, and stalk them when you’re really supposed to be hanging out, or hanging out when it’s clearly stalking time. That can totally put a damper on the whole friendship/stalker thing.

Not that I have personal experience with this or anything…

2 down, 98 to go!

100 days of blogging, redux

Soooo a few blog entries ago I made some crazy commitment to blog for 100 days in a row. I think I did it for, like, three days and then my monitor died and it was bloggus interruptus. Then we got a new monitor, and instead of rushing straight to the computer to explain… I kinda procrastinated (SHOCKING, I know) and before I knew it… two months and some change went by. Kinda lame sauce of me, but that’s what happened.

I still want to do it, though. I think I NEED to do it.

I really need to do something to get back into writing, even if all that something is is writing on a blog that nobody really reads. I like writing, and I think I’m decent at it, but I can FEEL my skills atrophying the more I neglect it. I can FEEL myself losing that skill that I once worked so hard to hone and develop. It’s not like I have so many skills that I excel at that I can let one slip by the wayside, know what I mean?

So here I am, trying again.

Consider this blog one, day one.

1 down, 99 to go!

so, i suck

I can’t believe that I haven’t blogged since June. I don’t really know what to think about that. I guess that I just haven’t had anything to say. Or rather, like so many things in my life, I mean well… but….

I want to do this thing, I’m just not sure what my motives are. I like to write. I’ve just gotten really lazy about it. Of course I want readers, and that’s a small part of why I write online, but I really just like to write. I’m not sure what to write about. I don’t currently lead the most interesting of lives. I like my life, but how much of that do other people really want to read? There are some things that I would like to share, but can’t, for personal reasons.

I’m making this too complicated.

The whole writing thing- like I said, I’ve gotten really lazy about it. I decided a little over a week ago that every nite before I turned off the light, I would jot down a page or two in my journal. So far, so good. It’s nothing too serious, mostly about what we did that day, and I hope to start getting more into depth about what I feel and think, but because I’m so out of practice with putting pen to paper… well. Use it or lose it.

The children are all back in school, and so far, so good. This is Week Two, Day Two of the new year. Alpha is in seventh, Beta is in sixth, Cappa fifth, and Delta is in fourth. Alpha and Beta are in the same school and Cappa and Delta are still together; weird that next year, Delta will be on her own. Where did the time go? Seems like just a few months ago that I was welcoming the final addition of my crew into the world, this crazy haired baby that didn’t like anyone, not even me. And now she’s this whole entire person, growing up faster than I can blink.

Everything changes. Rarely does anything stay the same.

This year, I want to make some personal improvements in my life. First, the writing thing. That’s the whole journal and blogging and what-not… plus I’ve been kicking around this idea for a story, and I’m hoping that actually goes somewhere. Second, I want to get my house back under control. Over the summer I really, really let things go. It’s a cluttered mess most of the time. I finally got my bedroom in order, and now it actually LOOKS like a bedroom should. Just don’t open the closet… Third, I want to exercise. Yes, I would like to lose weight, and yes, I would still like to be a runner, but (go with me on the *but*) in my current, procrastination mind-set, those things are not really… happening. My plan is to start small… very, very small. Right now I’m taking my dog for a walk twice a day. The walks aren’t long, but they’re better than not walking. The next step (later in September) is getting my gym membership back on track and actually making that a priority. Baby steps… baby steps… Fourth, and this is kinda personal, I would really like to have more sex. With that guy I married. I mean, we have sex, but it’s not as… frequent… as I would like. That, and it feels more routine. Ok, on week nites, we have to get up early, we have thin walls… no swinging from the rafters, I totally understand why quality is down. But on weekends, or when he doesn’t have to work the next day? Hel-LO, opportunity! I just need to… instigate. And fifth, I would… well. Shit. I totally forgot what the fifth thing was. I kinda got stuck on four…

I’m sure it’ll come back to me.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that we got a dog. A little darling thing of furry love, a Chihuahua named Chiquita. She’s something of a “rescue”. See, my next door neighbor became too elderly to care for her anymore, and he very graciously let us take her. She is SUCH a little biscuit- sooo adorable. I am totally head over heels for this little doggy :) Here, look, you can see for yourself WHY-

Is that not the cutest little poochy face ever? Ok, I know I’m, like, completely biased here, but CAN YOU BLAME ME??

Well, looky there, at the time. I actually have to go and pick up the elder girls from their place of learning. And here I thought that this would only take a few minutes…

Later, gators.

bad, bad jenna

I decided that this would be the year that I would refrain from purchasing so many books. See, I’m a reader. An avid, addicted reader of books. I love them. I love to buy them. I have several hundred; a little library of my very own. I decided that this year, I would read more of the books I already own, and only buy books from my favorite authors or series I’m reading.

Yeah, I shoulda known that wouldn’t really happen. My darling husband was highly (rightly) skeptical of this plan when I initially informed him of it, and in truth, so was I. What can I say? I’m a book junkie!

Anyway, I finally found that which would make not buying new books easier; the library. Now, before you ask me why I wasn’t already using the library, let me tell you that it’s for no good reason, CERTAINLY not because I have had overdue books (5 years overdue) and couldn’t get a library card prior to this… nope, not that, not at all, so just keep walkin’, ok? Suffice to say, I didn’t have access to a card, until recently. And that’s all there is to it.

So, I started going to the library. And oh me oh my, it’s like releasing a kid in a candy store. It’s like, all these books, no limit on how many I can check out, for FREE? Downside, I have to bring them back (and I WILL, don’t look at me like that!). Upside? It’s FREE BOOKS, man. FREE. BOOKS. FOR FREE.

Um, awesome!!!

And before you get all ‘geez, Jenna, relax, it’s just the library’, let me just hold up my hand (palm out) and tell you, I know, I know it’s just the library… but they’re FREE BOOKS. ALL I CAN READ. Anyone who is an avid, addicted book junkie can totally relate right now to what I’m saying. Pick up what I’m puttin’ down.

Weeeell, it seemed that this library thing was really going to be the cure to my madness. Really seemed like it was that which would appease my addiction. And it started out great. Like really great. One of the best parts is that if I check out a book and I don’t like it, I don’t feel obligated to finish it because I didn’t pay any money for it so I just take it back. That right there is some kind of awesome. I admit that initially I got, like, totally carried away and checked out something like 20 books. And hel-LO, I’m not gonna finish 20 books in 3 weeks! I’m a fast reader, but even I can’t do that! So I scaled it back some and pared them down and now I have, like, 4.

Weeeell… then one of my favorite authors came out with a new book, a much awaited and totally anticipated new book in a series that I’m reading. Fair enough… I said that I would only buy books in a series or favorite author, right? Right. And at the same time, another book was released, and it looked so good, I just HAD to have it… and then, there’s this other series that I have been wanting to read… so in the span of two days I bought three brand new books. Only one met my criteria. And then today? Yeah. Bought another one (but to be fair, it was a really good deal AND it is part of a series that I’m reading so it totally counts!). But don’t tell my husband, he’ll totally not yell at me but he’ll give me that look, that “JENNIFER!” look, know what I mean?

It’s not lying if I just don’t say anything… right?

right?

Shut up!

100 days of blogging, 98 to go!

100 days of blogging

In case you haven’t noticed, I kinda suck at this blogging thing. Not so much the writing part, but the part where I actually… write. Regularly. So I’ve decided that as of today, I am going to blog for 100 days straight. Barring catastrophe. We’ll see how this goes.

I think I need some kind of consequence if I fail, though. Like… I can’t buy a new book for a month! Do you realize how much that would suck, especially if the month in question is a month where one of my authors comes out with something new and awesome? Yeah, that would suck. I think that’s going to be my consequence, but I’m open to suggestions.

As to a reward, well, the reward will be the writing. I actually like to write, quite a bit. I just get lazy about it. It’s not that I think I’m letting anyone down if I don’t write, given how many millions of blogs there are out there, but this is something that I have wanted to do for a long time. So quit sucking at it, Jenna, and just… do it!

100 days of blogging. Day one, down. 99 to go!